And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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