oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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