Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i believe in u and ur pee
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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