how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize