Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
