I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
