so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
