Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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