I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
