Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
