There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
