Yo dont text me then not text me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
