I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We don't watch enough power rangers
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
