would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
