I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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