If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
