she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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