It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
