I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
