it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize