If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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