I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
