That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
