I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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