that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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