he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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