his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
