I puked a lego.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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