You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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