I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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