That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
They have beer where we have blood.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
