There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
