my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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