marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
