Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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