apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize