just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
