Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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