Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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