I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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