When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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