Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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