Moan for me like Helen Keller
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
