Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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