I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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