yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
