Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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