# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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