Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
