I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You dont lie about slip and slides
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
