holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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