if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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