I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
