I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
