I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
