my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she looked like the before picture.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
