they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
