I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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