I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm like, not good at living.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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