There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
