Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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