Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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