if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She needs sedatives and a leash
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
