i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
