Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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