its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
