i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
