somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
