also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
