Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
