Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
